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Sunday, November 14th, 2010

Time:10:45 pm.
Saturday - Grouchy, crowded. Window installers took over our house. Kids tired, grown-ups irritable - everyone had shitty attitudes. We bought a new couch and ate a decent lunch. Eventually we ordered pizza for dinner and all went to bed early.

Sunday - Perfect. Abby and I had some time alone - played dice at a coffee shop, then went and saw some monster art on the East Austin Studio Tour. Met Cora & Ken for some tacos at Juan in a Million. Came home and finished The Last Air Bender series and ate candy. Walked the dogs to return a library book. Cooked awesomely good fish for dinner. Listened to Ken start rereading the last Harry Potter book to the kids while I made lunches. Now Freaks and Geeks and laundry. Then sleep.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

Time:11:45 pm.
It's fall. I'm teaching again, so it's busy. We're also doing things to our house like taking out walls and adding doors, so that adds to the busy. Even with all that things still don't seem too crazy. Maybe it's this glass of wine talking.

We had Dia de los Muertos with an alter and face paint, and I thought about my dad. It's been SEVEN years. How is that possible? I was realizing today that posts for this journal date back almost 10 years. I wish I kept it up better.
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Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

Subject:cities in dust
Time:1:04 pm.
the bells in that song give me such a strong sense of the outskirts of san antonio in the late 1980s. big open streets with just a few houses. wide treeless tracts of land in summer. driving with my reckless teenage friends. high. windows down. blustery and warm. dramatic clouds making the open sky seem low and heavy.

long time ago.
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Friday, May 28th, 2010

Time:11:58 am.
This dude opened his car door and jerked off at me when I was walking my dogs this morning. He stopped about 1/2 a block in front of me as I approached a quiet neighborhood intersection. He flung open his driver door to reveal his naked bottom half, hung his left leg out the door, and gave his dick several swift tugs. Then he drove away. He was sly. I never got a look at his license plate, and he was just far enough away that I couldn't recognize his face in a crowd.

Apparently he's been making his way around this side of town over the past week. Based on where he's been and what he's been doing I think he was driving my neighborhood looking for kids on their way to school. He had to settle for a grown lady... or maybe he'd already found some kids violate. What the fuck man? THAT is why I don't let my kids walk or ride their bikes around without me.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, May 27th, 2010

Subject:Diorama and new horizons
Time:10:54 pm.
Dear Livejournal,
Please don't tell, but I submitted my resume for a new job. I love my current job and thought I would stay there forever, but the Universe may be calling... shhh

Abby's class spent the last several months designing a fantasy world diorama. It's HUGE. We got to see it this evening. It was incredible. I am so grateful for this awesome school and my awesome kids.  

Cora also had some art on display in the Kindergarten building.

Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, May 24th, 2010

Subject:Abby & Cora on a Monday in May 2010
Time:11:45 pm.
The school year will be ending in a couple of weeks.

Abby is finishing 2nd grade, although she's about six feet tall, reading complicated adolescent sci-fi novels and pretty much tells me to fuck off to my face when she's in a bad mood. She's grown seeming in a lot of ways, but also makes it clear that she likes being a kid and wants to be a kid for the rest of her life. Parenting Abby is turning out to be way more interesting than anything I could have imagined.

Cora is finishing kindergarten. She likes to capitalize on her young adorableness. She is explicit in her interest: NO MORE BABIES in our house. She is the youngest, smallest, cutest. Period. And she really is. Cora is also smart. She pays close attention. Sometimes I'm caught off guard when I realize just how much she gets. She also reads. She reads me chapters from Ramona Quimby books at bedtime, which is indescribably awesome for me.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, March 8th, 2010

Time:9:29 pm.
What the hell? We're under a black cloud over here.

Cora got a stomach virus Tuesday, February 23, then the chickenpox Friday, February 26. She had those until the following Friday, March 5. Now Monday, March 8 she's lethargic with a headache and fever.

Abby's been seen by several doctors and is now scheduled for a battery of medical tests Friday to answer some troubling questions about her hormone balance.

Ken broke his foot in some mysterious way, got a boot and prescription for pain meds but has in the meantime become immobilized by a gout flare up of epic proportions. He's totally laid up.

I mean seriously. Does this all have to happen at the same time? We have jobs to keep and dogs to walk and taxes to file and cars to inspect.

at least I found our most recent tax return
and it's cool beautiful breezy March
and yoga feels good
maybe i just need a good night of sleep
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Subject:The Annual Update
Time:10:20 pm.
teaching grownups - is comfortable, natural and awesome. i'm so proud myself
earrings - took out my 14g captive loops after over 10 years. i went shopping for earrings!
abby and her hormones - gonna see an endocrinologist
cora and her tooth - had to pull it
money & taxes - 3 year behind again...
food sharing - is awesome
my mom getting married?? - she's living with a guy. he has a complicated past... and present. we'll see.
drinking - not every night. but i think about it. hmmm...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

Subject:Saturday crazy
Time:10:49 pm.
Today's attitude - not so great. I'm finding that Saturdays consistently make me crazy. I even woke up and went to weed the garden at the school this morning. It should have set me up for an optimistic outlook for the whole day

But by 2pm I was preparing for my usual Saturday descent into crazy where I get myself all whipped up about all the shit I'm not getting done - taxes, outdoor projects, cleaning, exercise, self-improvement, volunteer work, conquering fears, eating better, being a nicer mom, dressing better, buying fewer clothes, making good on my to-do list from the last 6 months, planning for the future... what the fuck?? Then I turn on my family and make them all think about the things THEY'RE not doing, too. I find that the crazy is totally contagious, so be careful.

We did manage to install a dog shit disposal to our sewer line today. And maybe that's enough.

Now I'm going to watch TV and eat ice cream... with liquor in it.
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, September 28th, 2009

Subject:bitch mom
Time:9:40 am.
I'm totally back on coffee after stopping for a month or so. I stopped as part of this cleanse in which I stopped (but in reality, reduced, because I'm not so disciplined) a number if things - caffeine, alcohol, sugar, animal products, and wheat. The cleanse was interesting. I felt pretty good. I enjoyed not having coffee for a while. Mostly I enjoyed the way I felt so much more chill with my kids. Coffee makes me high strung, and high strung equals bitch mom. But I love it too much to stay away. Work is definitely more productive with coffee. Although, not today, it seems. As I sit here journaling...

Fall is good. We made it through the summer, and Abby and Cora are both in school. We no longer have two out of control puppies. Now they're slightly less out of control young dogs. I'm successfully making my way through teaching my first graduate level class at UT. Ken and I are both still employed. Broke, but employed, so yay. Halloween is around the corner. We'll do some fall camping soon.

We went to Costa Rica this summer. That's why we're broke. But what a time we had:

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Sunday, June 7th, 2009

Time:10:30 pm.
people are way too complicated to keep relationships simple. and also horribly simple in managing complex relationships. how do you reconcile that shit? it makes me tired. this has been quite a week for complex relationships in my little world.

also, someone should tell my children to stop acting so grown up and sassy all of a sudden (it's not really all of a sudden, there have been signs...). i can't face living in a state of low-level argument for the next 13 years. lord.

another thing, abby won a tiny cross necklace in a coin machine several days ago. she's been wearing it. it prompted a graphic conversation between us regarding my personal feelings about christianity and the symbol of the cross. i didn't ask her to take it off or anything - just told what the symbol means to me, my reaction to it. anyway, she's been asked twice now (by other children) if she's a christian. she balls-out tells them "nope." this whole things is bringing up fascinating feelings for me.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

Time:9:38 am.
david carradine found dead in bangkok? crazy young mom puts human shit in her sick child's feeding tube?

dude, the news is bumming me out today.
Comments: Read 8 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

Subject:spring is becoming summer
Time:10:11 pm.
i just took salo out to pee in the front yard and looked up into the night sky to see birds - lots and lots of birds circles and landing high in nearby trees. what kind of birds are those? are they the ones who nest in front of my bedroom window with their strange little squeaking chirp? i laid on my back on the warm sidewalk and tried to count them as they flew in circles. salo brought me back to reality when i noticed his telltale cat-shitting-eating snort.

today is jessica's birthday. she and i went to a quiet dinner at hyde park. i told her about costa rica. she said she likes to stay at our house and take care of our dogs. i love family. we stopped by the grocery and were home by 7:45. we are older than we used to be.

we're going to costa rica in august! i need to get passports for the kids and be sure i have plenty of xanax for the "scenic drive through the mountains."

my mom hurt her back and has been incapacitated since mothers day. i've driven out there a few times to help. once i had to make two trips because i got the wrong medicine on the first trip. as i was leaving her house for the final leg of my 100 mile adventure i was hit by this wall of grief out of the blue. my dad. he would have driven 100 miles to help me without asking a question. that kind of willingness is hard to come by, and i had it with him. i was struck with the realization that i'm going be that for the people in my family. i'm the one who drives 100 miles on a regular tuesday night to help people i love. which is pretty much ok, but i feel like all of this stuff that comes with adulthood comes too soon, and without any negotiation. i don't think i'll ever stop feeling pissed that my dad was yanked away from us so early.

anyway, summer is a moment away. cora graduates preschool thursday night then on to kindergarten. but first, some good lazy summer-paced living, lots of swimming, yoga, snow cones, and watermelon, the texas coast, and of course, costa rica.

my life is very good. and i am grateful.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, March 7th, 2009

Subject:ode to baby
Time:10:28 am.
so i think we're done having babies. no more. i feel relieved, happy. ready to get on with life. i love the kids we have. my own life as an adult looks good from here. i don't want to have more babies, but i'm feeling pretty sentimental:

quiet and awe-struck.

time moves connected to itself like water in a swimming pool. easy to forget it’s connected to the ocean. easy to believe you can live in that placid, quiet pool forever.

baby looks at you and you look at her. regarding each other as permanent fixtures. “so here we are. and this is life now…”

and you live in quiet love - nursing, tidying, lolling, staring. fighting your quiet battle to – sleep. “when will we all finally sleep, baby?”

not realizing that sleep is brief and intermittent - giving you the opportunity to NOTICE.
the moments when everyone rests together – so briefly and soundly. quiet. family collapsed together. nursing baby. all dozing next to breezy open afternoon windows, or in the quiet of dawn. nuzzled into each other among cushions and pillows. notice the brief experience of quiet together.

notice the moment that baby belongs only there – not running, not shouting, not finding her own way – but there with you. your baby.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, March 4th, 2009

Subject:Fun interview
Time:4:46 pm.
1. What is something mom always says to you?

Abby: I love you
Cora: Go brush your teeth!

2. What makes mom happy?

Abby: When I follow directions
Cora: That I kiss her on the cheeks and I say I love you

3. What makes mom sad?

Abby: When I scratch the floors
Cora: That I pinch her

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

Abby: Tickling me
Cora: From me tickling her

5. What was your mom like as a child?

Abby: ... I don't know. Swimming?
Cora: Jumping rope

6. How old is your mom?

Abby: 33
Cora: 25

7. How tall is your mom?

Abby: (furrowed brow) I don't really know, but I would guess... maybe... 70... no no no not 70... 75 inches tall. (Cora from the other room: "no, 23!")
Cora: See above

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

Abby: Garden, swim
Cora: Clean the kitchen

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?

Abby: *gasp* oh no! um...uh... read?
Cora: play on the computer

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

Abby: writing a story
Cora: "I'm sliiiidiinnnnng!"

11. What is your mom really good at?

Abby: she's really good at...? computer? and reading.
Cora: checkers

12. What is your mom not very good at?

Abby: hula hooping
Cora: star wars games

13. What does your mom do for a job?

Abby: um, I think... she helps people sort out problems
Cora: Work on the computer

14.What is your mom's favorite food?

Abby: non-junk food
Cora: our new yogurt

15.What makes you proud of your mom?

Abby: that she is catching up on the book that we're reading
Cora: That she kisses me and my cheeks get red

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

Abby: as a super hero... Amazing Mama!
Cora: The mom in Iron Giant

17. What do you and your mom do together?

Abby: interviews...
Cora: Play a board game

18. How are you and your mom the same?

Abby: we like to write
Cora: we both drink water

19. How are you and your mom different?

Abby: I like junk food
Cora: we both eat different food at the same time

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

Abby: because she says.
Cora: that I kiss you and say I love you
Comments: Read 9 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009

Time:10:02 am.
I just ate ice cream for breakfast. In fact I've eaten whatever the hell I wanted, whenever I've wanted it for almost 48 house. And some of it was delicious. And I didn't have to share.

I've been alone at my house since Friday afternoon interrupted by only a couple of required outings. I seriously feel like I've been on an exotic vacation. My house is clean. Aside from the barking dog it's quiet quiet quiet. I slept so well and so long it was a bit disorienting. I've gotten some work done and read a lot. I watched trashy TV and took a long bath.

My family comes home this evening. Which is fine. I love them. But I do wonder at what point I would start to feel lonely. I'm nowhere remotely close right now.

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Saturday, February 21st, 2009

Subject:observing a very nice moment
Time:9:14 am.
quiet house. cloudy cool morning - even a little rain. working in my slippers and bathrobe. coffee. iron and wine.

this is good.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, February 13th, 2009

Subject:things i've been considering
Time:8:45 am.
owning finches
building a tree house
the impending death of our old dog
having custom couch covers made
how my new running shoes seem to have defective soles
family traditions
how my new glasses suck, and a plan to replace them with these
more yoga. always more yoga
god and prayer and holy grace
how much this book has embedded itself under my skin
cora's new short hair
amy calling me at 4am her time - you ok amy? i love you too!
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Friday, August 29th, 2008

Time:1:05 pm.
my dog billie died this morning. we are devastated...
Comments: Read 14 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, July 17th, 2008

Time:11:46 pm.
work = exhausting. those people maintain a sense of hope for the most egregious criminal offenders in our society, yet that can't suspend judgment of one another, and they make firm decisions about each others' defective characters every fucking day. i am tired of that shit. and you know what? i'm gonna write a memo about offering respect, hope and warmth in the work place. i'm gonna offer praise and love to every one of those assholes. seriously.

my kids = challenging. constantly. i'm taking my parenting cues exclusively from brangelina these days, if you're keeping track. so far i'm not keeping up, but i have hope for tomorrow.

my house (and things generally) = messy

my tv watching = delicious avoidance of all things real
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

LiveJournal for cranky.

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